Picking up the pieces...

Hello again, everyone! It's been a while. A semester, to be precise. While I thought I could multi-task like a boss (balancing varsity, choir, volunteering, tutoring, and regular blogging, along with the rest of my life) it turns out getting a Master's degree is quite a lot of work. I didn't even have time to see The Lorax. Sad.

However, I did have a productive semester. I completed half of my coursework with distinctions (whew!), sang in six concerts with the Cape Town Youth Choir, and marked more second year Poverty, Development, and Globalisation essays, tests, and assignments than I ever want to think about again. It was busy, but good. Life was good. I learned some economics. I had my passion for health and environmental sociology reignited. I made some changes in my life that I am very proud of. I started running. I went vegan. Yes, fully vegan. More on that journey to come... But for now I will just say, I feel great. Sadly, my Project 365, Thankful Thursdays, and learning Xhosa fell by the wayside for now. But, I have finally started to learn Italian (which reminds me that today is Sunday, or "Italian Day," or the day of the week when my Italian boyfriend only speaks to me in Italian. Splendido!). 

I wish I could say I will have more time to post in the coming months but I know that this semester will be just as hectic as the first (if not more so -- Human Sciences Research Council internship in the pipeline -- fingers crossed!).

Also, I have decided to silence the voice in my head that has a tendency to take that reprimanding tone ("You haven't posted in three months? You must be really bad at following through on your goals..."). I have come to realise that sporadic posts are just fine and certainly not a legitimate reason for stress or guilt. I do not want to think of blogging as a scheduled chore, like doing the laundry ("That reminds me, you haven't done the laundry.")...  

However, jokes aside, when horrific things happen like they did this week in Aurora, just a few miles from my childhood home, I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach as though I am going to burst unless I get my mind around it. I obsess. I have nightmares. In this, I know I'm not alone. This is why I need this blog. I need to avoid the cold paralysing grip of anxiety and paranoia which naturally follow from tragedies such as these. I need to be able to start a dialogue and to be reminded that, for the most part, people are good and trustworthy. I need to remember that disturbed people may act in disturbing ways, that this has always been the case, and it is not a sign of the dissolution of society as we know it. I need to grieve in context.

A friend of mine from Berkeley posted this on facebook on Friday:

We moved to Colorado just a year or so after the Columbine High School massacre; post-shootings, high schools and middle schools all throughout the state began employing metal detectors, all students were prohibited from wearing trench coats and sagging/baggy clothing, gun control measures were taken via federal and state legislation, and bullying and adolescent/teenage psychopathy stood at the forefront of issues that were *finally* being acknowledged and addressed. Over a decade later, a 24-year old med school student and gunman kills 12 people in a Colorado movie theater. A pre-meditated killing, as the perp entered the premises, gas canister in one hand, firearm in the other, equipped with a bulletproof vest and gas mask. Where do we go from here? What more can we control and regulate? Where and how else shall we be imposing security precautions? What the hell is going on?

What the hell is going on? While control and regulation is essential to security, perhaps we need to take a long hard look at the underlying social currents permeating the societies in which we live. The acceptance and glorification of violence in many spheres, the use of force rather than diplomacy, the epidemic of entitlement, the widespread obsession with fantasy. Perhaps none of these things have anything to do with what happened in the theatre that night, but all deserve further attention. While I must grieve in context, I must also try to understand within the context.

So to close, I wish to express my deepest sorrow and send wishes for comfort and peace to the families and friends of the victims while they pick up the pieces in the aftermath of this tragedy. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

♥ Z